Mud on the gold

One recent Wednesday night worship space I sensed to begin with checking in with others if they would like to share some of what God has been doing/saying in their personal times with Him and what it is like to be with Him… I did this with the hope that there would be a God -centeredness from the outset of our time in His space. I thought that sharing about our recent encounters with God’s presence would set up an atmosphere of hungering and thirsting for more of Him. In some ways, the opposite of what I had hoped for happened- it became about the people- guilt about not being with God, reasons why they find it difficult to be with Him etc. Sorting out the ‘stuff’ became the focus of the evening and there was a short time dedicated to being with God left. Perhaps there were times in that conversation that I should have interrupted or brought it back to where I thought the conversation was originally going… Or perhaps the mess of people’s lives and situations- feelings of powerlessness- was the very thing God was revealing that night, as a reminder that we can’t do anything without Him. I might be called to lead people in this season, but their stuff is too big for me. The most helpful thing we can do as leaders is be an example of lives surrendered to Him. The most useful thing I can do for others is model a life that makes space for God and acknowledges who He is. I offer every victory back to God and am humbled that He would choose me to partner with Him in all He is doing.

I was able to talk with a friend the next day and was affected by the word “emergence”. What God is committed to is the process of journeying with us toward Him- toward wholeness. His business is restoration. I’m realising that this takes different forms and even the gold can sometimes have mud on it! Perhaps He allows situations of mess so we can learn how to clean up and how much we need Him.

Over the weeks, I’m realising the extent of my dependency on God. My walk with Him in this life He’s given is not a stopping by every few days or even hours… It’s a moment by moment walk with Him. I want to be His resting place. I need to be committed to only doing what He says to do- no more, no less… I’m discovering how imperative it is that I depend on Jesus to lead and heal the people. I’m finding that often the hardest thing to do is to refrain from action.

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